She asked me to strip, so I did.
I took off my pride
The mask I wore over my scars
“You are beautiful despite them”
Her balmy voice soothes.
I took off my fear
That had bounded me in chains
I jumped into the unknown
She held my hands tight.
I took off my shame
Wrapped tightly between my legs
I was in the open, I was free
I hear her squeal in delight
I took off my doubts
That were growing under my skin
To show the red flesh of my love
She couldn’t stand the sight of it.
So she left wearing all my cloths
And I wait for the winter ahead.
Wow! What an unexpected twist at the end … not to mention quite callous. Very good write!
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Thank you mate. This is something new for me other than Haiku’s that I usually write.
Thank you again kind stranger π
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I agree with you Jonathan. Quite callous indeed unexpectedly. Goes on to prove our friend is growing as a writer. Well done!
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Thank you Nandita. I am learning from likes of you and Thomas and others π
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Inspiration is a wonderful thing. Thank you, I’m flattered.
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In the hindsight it does look like it can use some work. As I’ve said, this is the first time I was trying anything other than a Haiku. Thanks for pointing it out. More so for being gentle. π
Watch this space. I will be back with a second draft.
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Oh no! Wait my friend… I think you misunderstood me. I LIKED the twist at the end! In fact, it is the unexpected ending that makes the whole piece great… No need for improvement, dear writer. Your innate talent shines through very well in this poem! π
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Now that is what I call a performance! Brilliant! Hats off, Sir! π
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Lol. Thank you mam. Glad you stopped by to leave that comment π
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This is wonderful on so many levels. The metaphorical stripping of all personal traits, and then the sudden theft of the personality itself. I read this poem several times over and every time, I found something new to reflect upon. A very good read.. You inspire me to write. I’d like to write like you someday…
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Thank you kind stranger. My joy is boundless to know that even I can inspire someone! You made my day π
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Now we are talking π
and how many boots do you own?
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Real or metaphorical? π
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mmm.. both
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